Dead Bed: Boredom In The Bedroom

In the beginning of a marri agerelationship,thesexishot.spanstyle='mso-spacerun:yes'> A couple may feel like they can't get enough of each other sexually. The erotic drive is strong. That's the honeymoon phase, where everything is new and exciting. Even if the relationship is loving and strong, the sexual desire that was once so strong may start to decrease. Couples get used to ordinary life together--working, paying bills, doing the laundry--and often get settled into routine sexual patterns.

But what happens when a couple not only gets used to each other, but actually gets bored of sex? This is not the same as a sexual mismatch, in which partners have different levels of sexual desire. Sexual boredom means, that although both partners would enjoy sex more often than they have it, they have simply run out of ideas on how to make each encounter a special, exciting activity. The massage oils, alluring lingerie, and erotic experimentation have given way to a sexual rut--perpetuating the same sexual routine over and over, each person almost on autopilot. This may be due to fatigue, stress, lack of initiative or relationship resentments. However, sex between committed couples doesn't have to be boring!

What Causes Dead Bead

What are some causes of a dead bed? Unresolved relationship issues are often at the center of sexual problems. If one mate is selfish and is uninterested in pleasing the other mate, then naturally the sexual part of the relationship will get boring fast. Stress, including the obligation of raising a family, may contribute to lower sexual desire. Another factor may simply be the self-defeating assumption that sex is only good in the first part of a relationship, and that it eventually dies down as the years pass. If you and your partner believe that, then it will come true.

Sex can also become boring just like any other activity can become tedious, when no imagination or energy is put into making the experience fun and enjoyable. If you view sex as a release of pent up sexual feelings rather than an erotic adventure that can be prolonged, explored--in another words, something very personal--then that sort of mechanical sex gets tiresome very quickly.

The Advantage Of Age

Relationships age like wine--if not properly stored and maintained, they can sour. However,if you take steps to keep the romance alive, then experience in a committed relationship can actually improve your sex life. Established couples have more trust than do new sexual partners. They are more comfortable in asking for something different in bed. There is more time to arrange for sex and to create the perfect mood in established relationships, than in new relationships where sex is often spontaneous. Boredom is what should be avoided, familiarity should be cherished.

It is true however that creativity and a certain amount of tact should be used when initiating sex under very familiar surroundings. Talking about sex dryly, in a matter-of-fact sort of way is not sexy and may contribute to the boredom. On the other hand, making romantic gestures and suggesting new ideas in the bedroom (as a lover, not as a scientist) can excite your partner. You have the ability to put fire and lust back into your relationship. It just takes a little effort--the same effort you would put forth in starting a new sexual relationship. So you might as well put forth that effort to please your mate instead of a stranger!

Ideas On How To Make Your Bed

Often times couples who attend sexual therapy, hoping to add more fire into their bedrooms, discover that their typical sexual routine is a repertoire based on year-one of their relationship. What is the significance of that? Consider that a couple's first year together is based mostly on sexual adrenaline. When you're newly in love then any little trick, no matter how predictable, feels wonderful because it's something new. But over time, a couple who relies on the same old tricks they learned from the first year together, will bore themselves into a pattern of predictable sexual behavior. The adrenaline wears off, the same body and face becomes familiar. Now is the time to progress to year-two of the sexual relationship!

Stubbornly sticking to the same well-worn practices in bed will kill spontaneity and curiosity. Therefore, it's important to introduce plenty of new ideas. (And don't worry, there are a lot of them out there!) Remember that sexual tastes can change over time. Both partners may assume that because year-one of the relationship taught them how to orgasm, that the exact same routine is required every time from opening kiss to final hug. But after sexual boredom sets in couples may desire something new in the bedroom. Perhaps trying something new can bring about better and longer orgasms. You never know until you try!

Some Ideas On How To Spruce Up Your Sex Life

* Sensate Focus

* Sensual Touching

* Erotic Baths

* Fantasizing Aloud

* Blind Tasting

* Room Decoration

* Role Playing

* Erotic Massage

* Improved Communication

* Pelvic Exercises

* Aphrodisiac Meals

Even if all else fails, do not give up on trying to enjoy a better sex life with your committed partner. A committed relationship is a beautiful thing and should not involve sacrificing sex for love. If your efforts prove unsuccessful talk to a sex therapist about arranging for sexual counseling. You can put back the sizzle in your bedroom.

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tova@sextherapylosangeles.com