There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex. ~Billy Joel

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it. ~Truman Capote

Sex relieves tension - love causes it. ~Woody Allen

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. ~Andy Rooney

Sex is emotion in motion. ~Mae West

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ~Lily Tomlin

An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex. ~Aldous Huxley

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ~George Burns

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. ~John Barrymore

The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs. ~D.H. Lawrence

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. ~Woody Allen

Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head. ~Author unknown, advice to teenage boys, quoted in Friendly Advice compiled by Jon Winokur

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got ~ Sophia Loren

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead ~Gary Shandling

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? ~Dustin Hoffman

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date Saturday night ~Rodney Dangerfield

According to a recent survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful ~Robert De Niro

tova@sextherapylosangeles.com