Sexual Aversion

Sex alone doesn't determine the happiness of a marriage or a committed relationship. But sexual compatibility remains an important part of any couple's life. The best sex happens when two people love each other and make a special effort to please one another. Sexual desire is a common need in any man or woman, and so if one partner is not satisfied that can become a problem.

The strength of a relationship is tested when one mate develops sexual aversion. This is defined as disgust, fear, or a lack of desire in sex while in a consensual relationship. While most therapy cases see the wife develop sexual aversion, there are also many husbands who start to lose interest in sex after a relationship develops over time.

Sexual aversion is an extreme attitude. It's not just that one mate doesn't feel like having sex on any given night. The attitude is chronic and the mate may find the thought of sex repulsive, with no further sexual appetite.

Some people may develop sexual aversion, while others may mask their aversion in the dating process to please the other mate. Remember that people get married or committed for many reasons besides sex including personality compatibility, money and position, as a means to escape their family life, to have children, and yes even out of boredom. For the partner with the sexual aversion sex is a tiresome chore; for the sexually active partner living without sex, and who is still expected to be faithful, this could be a nightmare.

What Causes Sexual Aversion

One reason sexual aversion develops is due to the fact that people are not always careful in the dating process. Not only do some mates "mask" their sexual desires (the sexually aggressive one behaves while the sexually inactive one exaggerates their desire) but both often get so carried away with the euphoria of a new relationship (not to mention things like money, convenience, hobbies) that they do not realize their lack of compatibility in other important areas. Later, in the bright light of reality, they discover their partner is not the person they thought they were, feel betrayed and disappointed and lose all interest in sex.

Also contributing to sexual aversion could be any number of factors in an individual's upbringing and developmental experiences. Childhood trauma, such as sexual abuse, can result in a person developing a fear of sex; a strict adolescent period in which a person is taught that sex was wrong or nasty; even a lack of education on how to have sex, could lead a person to develop an aversion to sexual feelings.

It's also possible that relationships problems, aggravated by poor communication, are getting in the way and dampening desire. If a couple is not communicating well, then any kind of sexual response, is problematic--especially if one mate has a lack of interest anyway.

Partners lapse into conflict or withdrawal neither of which encourages sexual activity.

How To Treat Sexual Aversion

The first thing to realize in treating sexual aversion is that there is a problem. Someone's sexual and emotional needs are not being met.

Sex therapy can help situations like this where sexual aversion has threatened the relationship. What is essential is that if both partners want to save the relationship, then compromise from both will be necessary.

Ignoring the problem or finding fault with the other mate will only make matters worse. If you or your partner are suffering from sexual aversion, ask for professional help. Sex therapy may be what you need to overcome the aversion and save the relationship.

Intimate Communication: How to Repair a Wounded Sex Life

Why is it so many beautiful people have serious sexual problems when it seems that sex should be relaxed and joyful? The basic act of sex is natural. It's downright instinctive, when it comes to the mechanics of intercourse.

But no one ever claimed that good sex is easy. On the contrary, becoming a good lover is a skill that must be learned. Many people assume that a person is born with sexual prowess and that figuring out what a sexual partner wants is elementary. But everyone starts out as a beginner when itcomestosex.spanstyle='mso-spacerunyes' With more experience and knowledge comes greater sexual fulfillment.

People often have the unrealistic expectation that if their partner loves them that person will automatically know how to please them--like sexual ESP. They will know exactly how to bring them to orgasm, how to touch and please without ever needing to ask a question. This is ludicrous since know one is a mind reader. But when an individual feels dissatisfied with their sex life, they may start to feel bitter, critical and disinterested.

For many couples, talking about sexual issues is painfully difficult. They often lack the basic communication skills to help them better understand each others sexual needs and help them resolve their problems.

The vocal chords are the most overlooked sexual organ in the body!

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tova@sextherapylosangeles.com