Shyness and Sex

Sex and shyness are not generally compatible. Sex requires a certain level of self-confidence, relaxation and assuredness. Just approaching a member of the opposite sex requires some courage. When someone has a serious problem with shyness, especially men, whom society expects to take the initiative in the dating world, then sex is hard to find.

Shyness for men may involve approaching women as well as in thinking up stimulating conversation after the approach. The level of shyness differs according to the individual. Some may feel uneasy, while others may have a crippling fear of interacting with the opposite sex. The effects of shyness on a person's romantic life can be devastating. The only thing worse than living without sex is living without romance! If a person is so shy that he cannot approach a woman and start a relationship, then this is beyond typical shyness. It is a life-draining condition.

What Causes Shyness?

Shyness could be caused by a person's traumatic upbringing or a naturally introverted personality. Some people are shy, not because they are afraid of relationships, but because they may not know how to react in certain situations. If a person lacks social skills or cannot easily start a conversation then they may want to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation.

Introductions can also be confounding, a simple "hello" or even a smile may be difficult to express. The shy person, realizing his limitations, fears that his genuine efforts to smile or make small talk will be seen as phony or "desperate" and concludes it isn't worth the effort.

Nervousness tends to create an awkward tension when meeting new people. A smile is one of the first things another person will notice about you. What else makes a good impression? Good eye contact, a relaxed posture and a friendly tone of voice. All of which a very shy person cannot easily maintain. Shyness can be so severe that it resembles a phobia--an irrational fear of social situations.

How To Overcome Shyness

There are many tips on how to overcome shyness. They mostly involve practicing the art of conversation. These tips might include: asking people questions, learning who they are as opposed to dwelling on yourself, practicing with friends or in front of a mirror, or visualizing a more comfortable setting. Some people have found that keeping a journal, and tracking their daily success and fall backs, can be helpful in self-improvement. In short, the only way to conquer shyness is to practice the opposite of being shy--that is conversing with people and taking a chance.

However, to the very shy person good advice alone cannot always bring a positive change. While some shy men may do well with a little encouragement, others could be recovering from emotional trauma, and require more personal attention. This is where sex therapy would prove helpful--far beyond reading a few tips in a book. Sex therapy can help men overcome their shyness, according to their own pace and individual needs. An important part of becoming more outgoing is interacting with other people. Suddenly interacting with strangers can feel like dumping a non-swimmer in a swimming pool. It feels scary. Sometimes people need more one-on-one attention if they are to learn. A sex therapist can give you that one-on-one and help you to overcome your shyness once and for all.

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tova@sextherapylosangeles.com