Dyspareunia

The term dyspareunia refers to any recurring genital pain that accompanies sex. While the pain might be minor at first, eventually a cycle develops in which a woman will anticipate the pain and cause additional physical tension in her body. This tension will maintain or even intensify the genital pain. Naturally, a woman who experiences genital pain will seek to avoid sex, which makes things difficult for her and for her mate.

Causes Of Dyspareunia

What causes this condition of dyspareunia? There are several reasons why genital pain develops, including various functional problems, medical conditions and even psychological disorders. Functional causes of dyspareunia are not related to the dysfunction of organs, rather to general pain and discomfort--conditions that can be easily treated. For example, if a woman is not aroused during sex, she may lack adequate vaginal lubrication. Lack of lubrication can cause friction or a burning pain that can be linked with dyspareunia. Treatment may involve advising the couple to increase foreplay before intercourse so that the woman can become properly lubricated naturally. However, in some cases commercial lubricant may be needed (like Astroglide or KY). This lubricant is designed exclusively for sexual intercourse and is available in most drug stores. (For best results use a quality product, not a cheap substitute).

Certain medical conditions can cause dyspareunia, including vaginismus, which is an uncomfortable tension in the vaginal muscles, vulvar vestibulitis, and pelvic muscle tension. A gynecologist or physical therapist is usually the one to prescribe treatment for serious medical conditions. Even if this is the case, sexual therapy is often recommended for the patient so she can learn more about treatment and ways of coping with the condition.

There might also be psychological problems involved in genital pain. Physical and emotional trauma can cause dyspareunia. Relationship problems as well as depression can contribute to the condition since stress in general will always affect sexual intercourse in a negative way.

Diagnosing And Treating Dyspareunia

The first step in diagnosis and treatment is to examine a woman's medical history and for a gynecologist to examine the pelvis. It is important to first identify the source of the discomfort or pain. Treatment may include prescribing surgical lubricant or commercial lubricant. It may also involve applying therapeutic advice, such as the woman controlling insertion rather than the man, changing to more comfortable positions, or focusing on other erotic experiences such as mutual caressing or oral sex.

An important point to remember is that sexual pain can be caused by several different sources, so a multidisciplinary team is often recommended for therapy and treatment. The answer to treating dyspareunia is in seeking professional help, in sexual therapy and by medical examination. Sex is supposed to be an enjoyable, relaxing activity. When any sort of stress or pain is involved, then something is wrong with your body and you should seek treatment. The good news is that in most cases dyspareunia is reversible.

If you or your partner are experiencing painful intercourse then the best thing to do is to consult a sex therapist. A sex therapist can direct you to a gynecologist and later administer therapy that can help you recover. Don't avoid the pleasure, avoid the pain! Let sex therapy help you reclaim your life.

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Vaginismus

Vaginismus refers to genital pain specifically caused by tension in the vaginal muscles, which makes intercourse painful. When vaginismus occurs, a woman's vaginal muscles may become so tight that penetration becomes impossible. Any sort of intercourse is painful and this eventually causes avoidance of sex altogether. Pain may be directly caused by sexual intercourse, or may even be felt when inserting a tampon or having a pelvic examination. Medically speaking, vaginismus is an involuntary reaction of a woman's body to protect itself from more pain that comes with insertion.

Causes Of Vaginismus

Vaginismus may be a medical or psychological problem. Some women who experience vaginismus will be completely unaffected on a mental and emotional level. They have positive attitudes towards sex, they enjoy many sexual activities with their partner; perhaps they can even reach orgasm. But when it comes to penetration, sex is unbearably painful. In cases like this, a medical condition is to blame, whether genetic or because of some physical trauma. A gynecologist would have to diagnose the cause, and in most cases, sexual therapy would be recommended in the recovery process.

The condition can also be the result of a psychological problem or even a past trauma. Women who have been raped or have a history of abuse will sometimes report problems with the condition. They may have a deeply instilled fear of penetration, associating it with violation, and may unconsciously resist intercourse as a way of protecting themselves. Other women may have a fear of sex in general. They may have been raised in a strict background where sexual education was not available, and believe consciously or unconsciously that sex is dangerous. Perhaps they have been taught that sex is dirty, sinful, or even that their private parts are disgusting. Instilled attitudes like these affect people deeply, especially if they were formed during youth.

Diagnosis and Treatment

Diagnosing vaginismus requires a detailed medical history and physical examination by a gynecologist. Vaginismus is not easy to diagnose since it is situation-dependent. For example, women might not feel pain when a speculum is used during the examination, but may feel pain when penetrated by a penis. Also, a woman may experience vaginismus with one partner, but have no pain with another. Therefore, a very detailed examination with medical history and a patient's personal history is required to ascertain the problem.

The good news is that treatment for vaginismus usually works, with a success rate as high as 80% for all cases. What treatment might be recommended after a diagnosis? Relaxation techniques might be suggested, as well as methods of sensate focus and psychotherapy, especially if there are major psychological issues contributing to the condition. Kegel exercises are often recommended, as they relax the vaginal muscles, as are other forms of sexual exercises involving slow insertion that can be done at home, with or without a partner. Sexual therapy is usually helpful in treating vaginismus, since each woman can move at her own pace in recovery.

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Preorgasmia

Preorgasmia, or anorgasmia, refers to a woman's inability to have an orgasm during sex. (Men can also suffer from this condition, though this article is written from a woman's point of view) When a woman suffers from preorgasmia she cannot reach orgasm even with direct clitoral or vaginal stimulation. Preorgasmia is a sexual dysfunction. If a woman cannot reach orgasm by herself with direct stimulation, then the world's greatest lover will not be able to make her reach climax.

Causes Of Preorgasmia

90% of all preorgasmia cases involve psychological problems. In cases where women can bring themselves to orgasm through masturbation but not during intercourse, this certainly points to a relationship issue and not a biological problem. What are some contributing factors? Stress, whether in life or in the relationship, is a sex killer and can prevent a woman from enjoying sex to its fullest. Performance anxiety can cause preorgasmia as can sexual boredom. In cases like this, where preorgasmia is a recent development, then strengthening the relationship and the line of communication can work wonders in restoring a woman's sexual confidence.

However, some preorgasmia sufferers require more concentrated attention. Women who have endured traumatic experiences, whether in adulthood or childhood, tend to develop negative or even defensive attitudes toward sex. Rape and child abuse cases are the most difficult to treat, and require intensive sexual therapy. A strict religious upbringing in which children were taught that sex is wrong can also be a problem, as the adult still carries an instilled fear of intimacy.

Even the abuse of alcohol and illegal drugs can diminish orgasmic response, as can some prescription medications. Chronic sickness and pain can hinder sexual response, and so can other physical traumas and conditions such as hormonal problems and diabetes.

Treatment For Preorgasmia

Treatment for preorgasmia usually dosen't involve heavy medicine or surgery. If a woman's health is cause for concern then a physical examination may be requested so that a physical problem can be ruled out. For the most part however, preorgasmia is best treated by sex therapy. Because this condition is a sexual problem and not a medical condition, a sex therapist is the most qualified and experienced professional to handle the case. A sex therapist works with a patient to provide education and treatment so that the sexual aversion or fear can be overcome.

You don't have to live without great sex or without an orgasm. If you are experiencing symptoms of preorgasmia then consider sex therapy as a longterm solution. Sex is a natural and enjoyable part of life and something that you do not have to live without. Sex therapy may be just what you need to enjoy that part of your life again.

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Sexual Inhibition

What is sexual inhibition? Is sexual inhibition a dysfunction or a personal preference? Sexual inhibition refers to a conservative attitude, perhaps even a reservation towards sexual practices. This may include a general aversion to all forms of sex or certain sexual behaviors, such as oral or anal sex. Sexual inhibition is difficult to "diagnose" as all people are different, and come from very different backgrounds and cultures. Just because one person is unwilling to discuss sexual issues in the presence of others doesn't necessarily mean he or she is prudish; perhaps that person desires a certain level of privacy in sexual matters. On the other hand, there are some men and women who are inhibited to the point of sexual aversion--where they dislike all forms of sexual activity or are even afraid of intimacy.

What Is Sex To You?

Sexual inhibition needs to be viewed in the context of one's personal lifestyle. A person be said to have high sexual inhibitions because they are repelled by certain sexual practices, or are opposed to having multiple partners, or even sex before marriage. The status of having low sexual inhibitions has also been used to define people who are more open to try new erotic techniques. Ironically, men with low sexual inhibitions are considered "studly" whereas someone with high sexual inhibitions may be insultingly labeled as frigid.

The truth of the matter is that everyone has their own level of sexual comfort that should not be judged by others. People should be free to make up their own minds as to what is erotic and what is a turn off. Only you can determine the nature of your sexuality...is a part of your personality, and your decision alone. The problem starts when people become afraid of sexuality, and either avoid sex or avoid dating, even though they secretly desire intimacy and sexual fulfillment.

What Causes Sexual Inhibition?

A high level of sexual inhibition is traced to a person's psychological make up, and usually involves the repression of sexual behavior as a child. Additionally, expectations of society, as well as sexual myths and ignorance contribute to inhibition. Last but not least, relationship problems can cause sexual inhibition, since many lovers require a great deal of mutual trust before they can enjoy sex and reach new peaks of excitement.

Repression is a primary causes of this condition since many children are taught to avoid touching their sexual organs at a very young age. They are not taught much about sexuality besides the usual birds and the bees speech, and may grow up fearing sex. Confusion can cause inhibition since children often receive mixed messages about sex from all different directions: from their parents, from society (or religion), and from the media.

How Sex Therapy Can Help

The more severe a person's sexual inhibition (or fear) the more apparent it will become. Single individuals suffering from this type of major sexual inhibition may withdraw socially, fearing interaction with the opposite sex. Married men may experience erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, and women may have problems with dyspareunia or vaginismus. The right time to seek sex therapy is as soon as you perceive that there is a problem. If sexual inhibition is preventing you from pursuing the sex life you desire, then it may be time to talk to a sex therapist. A sex therapist can help you with your body image, with understanding the act of sex as well as your personal sexual style.

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Body Image

How a woman sees herself physically and sexually, will affect many aspects of her life. Negativity can start small, with a few nagging thoughts. Eventually however, a poor body image can affect a woman's career, her personal relationships, and her entire perspective on life. And certainly, this negativity can even affect a woman's sex life.

Poor body image, or body dysphoria, refers to obsessively negative thinking about your own body. You could feel as if you are unattractive to other people, both men and other women. A woman with poor body image may worry that she is too heavy, too thin, too funny looking or simply lack a pretty face. While these thoughts start slowly and quietly, over time they can intensify. Some women will become so unduly concerned about their appearance that they reach a point of self-loathing.

On the other hand, women who have a healthy body image and who sees themselves as attractive to other people, usually enjoy more fulfilling lives. Self-confident people advance in their careers, excel in personal relationships, and not surprisingly, enjoy better sex. (And a lot more of it, because when you're happy you want to give happiness back freely).

What many people don't see however, is that body image is not so much about your body as it is about your own level of self-confidence. It's important to remember that you have a natural bias when it comes to evaluating your own body. If you think negatively, then you will focus on your perceived flaws every time you look in the mirror. Take a look at the world around you: there are many average looking women who are healthy, sexually active and enjoying life. The more positive your own body image, the more successful you will be--in sex, in love and in life.

The Truth About Body Image

It's little wonder though that so many women are made self-conscious about their body when you consider the media's commercial distortion of human sexuality. When you compare yourself to Angelina Jolie or Sophia Loren you are being unrealistic and unfair to yourself. Movie stars are dolled up to look just a little beyond perfect. These are not women that you see walking down the street--and more importantly, they are not you. The quest to be physically perfect no doubt causes many women to feel self-conscious and perhaps even embarrassed about their bodies. Some women will even extreme withdrawal socially, not wishing to subject themselves to potential embarrassment.

Body image is known to affect some 70% of women, and may start early on in childhood or come later in life. Body dysphoria issues (sometimes called "BD issues") can be general ("I'm too fat!") or even related to physical deformity. (Such as one breast being larger than the other)

The question is, beyond what other people think, are you happy with your body? Ask yourself if you are possibly worrying too much about what other people think. Are you proud of yourself, of who you are, and what you have accomplished, and what you plan to do? If the answer is no, then why not make a change and start to make changes in your life? Tearing yourself down internally accomplishes nothing, and only contributes to your --and in the end, that contagious negativity makes you unattractive to other people. Most people value who you are inside. While a woman with poor body image is worrying about how "ugly" she is, others may be noticing the features they like about her. A woman may feel embarrassed about her weight, even though many men may find her voluptuous figure quite sexy.

How Sex Therapy Can Help

A sex therapist can help women who have body image problems. They can work with clients to restore a woman's self-confidence and the importance of loving herself. Professional therapy is help beyond the usual "pep talk" that any friend can give you.

Don't spend money on cosmetic surgery, or retire from the dating world before your time. Let sex therapy help you improve your body image so you can let the world know that you are alive and happy.

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Loss of Sexual Desire

Is it true that as a woman gets older she naturally loses interest in sex? Sex is a natural activity and good for the body on many physical and physiological levels. It is a good form of exercise and a natural relaxant. It intensifies love and communication in a relationship. At the very least, sex can make two hours of boredom pass quickly! So the simple answer is that sexual desire should not gradually wane; even when a woman grows older, the desire for sensual pleasure is still a part of woman's nature.

But it is true that many women do lose interest in sex as years go by, especially if they compare their routine sex life to the first few years of sexual exploration. The passionate curiosity as to what sex is eventually fades. The regular orgasm you (may) experience is expected by now and may not be as memorable as your first. Comparing the sex of today with the first erotic memories of yesterday is self-defeating. Sex is not going to be a new undiscovered peak of excitement every time you enjoy it.

What Causes The Loss Of Desire

What does happen unfortunately, is that many women become bored--not of sex necessarily, but of the sexual routine that they and their partner have built over the years. After a flush of newly wed excitement, in which both partners' desires are amplified beyond the norm, most relationships settle into stable sexual routines. If one or both partners lack imagination, or just the willingness to experiment with new things, then a loss of sexual desire may result.

Familiarity can breed boredome, particularly when it's an activity as sensual and emotional as sex. The familiar sight of the same man, the same foreplay and the same position will eventually cease to be a turn on. It's not that you resent the man--you may love him more than ever. But it's comparable to eating steak every day with no condiments. Or side dishes. Or fancy plates. Or even a drink. Sex on its own is a biological function. But love making should be an emotional and a deep experience if it's to be good every time.

Fortunately, ideas on how to spice up your sex life are readily available. There are many ideas on how to improve your sex life from sensate focus techniques to fantasizing, to role playing and trying different positions.

Confronting The Real Issue

The loss of sexual desire is often times not a matter of running out of ideas. It doesn't take a sex therapist to come up with a sizzling new approach to foreplay. Most bored couples could probably think of new ideas to try in the bedroom, particularly women who usually know their own pleasure zones. Therefore the loss of sexual desire is often times related to other sexual issues. These issues might include one or more of the following.

1. Lack Of Communication

If a couple is not communicating intimately and are not truly happy with their current relationship, then sex is probably the last thing on their mind. Try and talk things out with your mate if you sense there is a problem. If you think that he is not listening to your needs or wants, then talk to him about increasing the communication. Great sex starts and ends with intimate communication and the willingness to listen to your partner.

Never forget the importance of communication when you're trying to bring back the sexual appetite. You may feel that telling your partner exactly what you like is unromantic. But isn't being clueless and ultimately bored far less sexy than a little intimate communication? There's nothing wrong with helping your partner out, telling him what turns you on in a sexy voice, with plenty of free time to explore the possibility.

2. A Partner Is Holding Back

One partner may be consciously or unconsciously holding back, either in sexual desire or in their eagerness to please the other partner. While it's easy to suggest a man is just being selfish or lazy in his love making routine, there is also reason to believe that there may be more serious relationship issues at heart. Why might a partner be acting selfishly? Are there issues in the relationship that haven't been resolved? If a partner is unwilling to talk about the sexual miscommunication then marriage and relationship counseling may be recommended.

3. Stress And Depression

Sometimes it's not a matter of troubled relationships but the stress of every day life that prevents the sexual spark from igniting. Try to identify the source of anxiety and then reduce the amount of stress you have to deal with. If a wife is particularly stressed on a certain day, then a husband would do well to take the initiative in making her feel comfortable and relaxed. Be kind to your partner. If you sense they are not in the mood for sex, don't push it.

4. The Advantage Of Familiarity

If you delight in pleasing your partner then you will learn how to expand that pleasure, and likewise he will return the passion to you. You will remember each other's turn ons and want to please your partner in the special ways that he/she likes--adding a dash of something erotically new and different. You easily make sex hotter by getting out of your typical rut. Read a sexy book. Visit a sex shop. It takes a little extra effort but the reward is rekindled sexual desire.

5. Lack of Knowledge

Another common problem that contributes to loss of desire is a lack of knowledge about sex and what it is and is not, what is reasonable to expect and how our body parts work (which can become distorted by depictions in porm films and misinformation from friends).

This is when sexual therapy can really help you. Not only can a sex therapist assist you in improving relationships-- she can also guide you in sex education. You will learn ways to improve your sex life, how to please your partner, and best of all, how to bring back the sexual desire that was once so strong. The desire for great sex doesn't dissipate as you grow older.

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tova@sextherapylosangeles.com